THANK GOD FOR DRUGS

It's a cruel world that we're living in 
All kinds of things to sicken you
Viruses, bacteria, all kinds of things to stricken you.
They stick to your throat, inhabit your nose
Thank God there's stuff to protect you
Wherever you turn, wherever you look
There's something out to get you.

But there's…
Peptobismol, Rasmared
Diavol and Tagomet
Buckley's Mixture, Listerine
My medicine chest looks so obscene
Compound W, Dulcolax
Metamucil, Amatrex
If it wasn't for the pharmaceuticals, I'd be dead
La-la-la-la-la-la

If you listen to the ads on your TV set
You'd realize rather quickly
That it's wise to buy your super cure
Or you'll end up weak and sickly
There's croup and gout and athlete's foot
My grace and gross afflictions
If you don't watch out you could become
A scumbag of infections.

But there's…
Polysporin, Atasol
222's, and those and all
Ex-lax, Enos, Tylenol
There's an extra cabinet in the hall
Jack and Jill, Anusol
Minard's Linament, Multisol
If it wasn't for the pharmaceuticals, I'd be dead
La-la-la-la-la-la

There are capsules and creams and sprays
Pills and gels and ointments
To protect you from those aches and pains
So you don't miss your appointments
When you get the sniffles or anal itch
Dry scalp, boils or pimples
Just walk in to your medicine chest
The solution is quite simple.

You've got…
Neocitrin, Sudafed
Geratol and Actifed
Nitroglycerin, Contact-C
I'll live to be one hundred and three
Sinutab, Ryopan
Megnolax and Lanacane
If it wasn't for the pharmaceuticals, I'd be dead (yes, by)
If it wasn't for the pharmaceuticals, I'd be dead (oh yeah)
If it wasn't for the pharmaceuticals, I would croak!